You're Invited...

...To my Pity Party.

Bet you can't wait.

I promise to have lots of misery, whining, wailing, complaining, hopelessness, suffering, and most of all, feeling sorry for myself. Never mind what you're going through. This is my party and I'll cry if I want to.

BYOB because we're going to need lots of Boxes of Kleenex at this shindig.

Psalm 119:92, 93
If your instructions hadn’t sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery. I will never forget your commandments, for by them you give me life.

By now you've gone through all the steps and have been skipping along in recovery with just a few hiccups (we hope - if you've been honest and sincere in working your steps, I am certain of good results.) If things have been rough or you've slipped, this would be a good time to go back to step one and see what you've missed at this point.

After awhile, if we're not careful, we can become complacent. Now unless you're Jesus Christ or the very first human ever to live life without temptation or difficulty, you're going to find yourself in some tough spots. These are times when I don't want to call for help. I don't want anyone to fix me. I just want to rut around alone in my own stuff and feel the warmth of the muck I'm wallowing in. The problem is, I can do this for a little while but eventually I miss you.

The fact is, we are human, and human beings are dependent on one another. Don't even try to tell me you don't need others. If that were true, you wouldn't be reading this. Ha, gotcha!

Because we need other people, even when we're at our worst we want someone to share it. Hence that age old expression, misery loves company. And misery will seek out anyone who will come alongside and listen. Don't think homeless people wander around out there friendless and lonely. Believe me even they have friends. They commiserate with one another. They depend on one another for survival.

People denied the company of others will sooner or later go stark raving mad.

So even when I'm at my worst, I want to share it. It's a natural inclination to seek out those who like to stay in the problem. For heaven's sake, if I call my sponsor she's going to give me some kind of sage advice for how to get out of this hole. Heaven forbid! If I call someone I know is grounded in Scripture, they're going to give me some Biblical principle for getting out of the dark. Well for Pete's sake, who said I wanted to see the light? No, I think I'll either keep it to myself and suffer silently a while longer, or I'm going to call someone who will join my pit party.

Isn't it interesting that the root word of pity is pit?

We've all seen or heard the person who comes to meeting after meeting sharing their problems and never the solutions. Those are people we want to avoid like the plague. When I don't feel like calling my sponsor, that's exactly when I need to call my sponsor. If not my sponsor, my pastor, or a good Christian friend whom I know will tell me the truth. I need to seek solutions, not drag others into my pit.

So now, here I sit with all my misery waiting for the doorbell to ring and no one comes. No one wants to come to my pity party. Gee, I think I'll call my sponsor. Maybe I can get into the solution - go to a meeting, journal some, go for coffee with a friend, write a gratitude list, call someone else who's going through a tough time and offer some encouragement...

For every pity party going on, there are lots of better places to be.

Are you having a rough day? Who will you call for help out of the pit?

Psalm 119:92, 93

If your instructions hadn’t sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery. I will never forget your commandments, for by them you give me life.

Lord, take my hand, pull me up and out of this mire and turn me in the right direction. Your word is a lamp unto my feet, every instruction wipes away foolishness, temptation, every evil desire, instilling instead new hope and delight. I seek life in Your wisdom, joy in Your hope, faith in Your promises. Your commandments give me life. In Jesus' precious name I pray, amen.

LIVING WITH PAIN

What do I do when I'm an alcoholic/drug addict in pain?

I've been sober for nearly 19 years. But during some of those years, I was dependent on pain medications. Did I lose my recovery? I don't think so and I don't think I'm in denial about this. My Doctor explained there's a difference between dependence and addiction. Addiction is a mindset. Dependence is the chemical process that occurs when the body becomes used to operating with an added substance and doesn't know how to function without it. The difference is attitude - one's state of mind.

Those of us with addictive personalities or chemistry struggle with these issues.

Before my doctor prescribed pain medications, I was suicidal. It was either get me some help or else. Although physical addiction was a natural result, I was not addicted emotionally. In fact, I hated every minute of being on those meds. It was an insidious downward spiral that finally forced me to get off them and seek other ways to live with pain.

Initially, Percoset was prescribed for nerve pain. It made me nauseous and dizzy but did little for the pain. So the doctor ADDED Neurontin, a nerve quieter, which made me plummet into depression, so he ADDED Celexa. I began having serious joint pain in my hips, knees and shoulders so he ADDED Vioxx. When I complained about lack of focus from all the medications, he ADDED Adderall for attention deficit disorder. I took all these medications for a couple years.

I became extremely suicidal. I thought of nothing else. Finally I went to my doctor and said, I need to get off the Neurontin and Percoset, it's making me crazy. She said, go off of them gradually over a couple weeks. I decided, on my own, I was just going to go off everything at once over the next couple weeks.

Immediately I began having serious migraines, vomiting and delirium. I went on like that for several days, not sleeping or eating because everything came back up. One day I knew if I didn't get help, I was going to end my life so I called my husband who came home from work and rushed me to my doctor's office. She was out but the doctor filling in for her said I was foolish to get off everything at once. He told me to stop one medication at a time gradually. It took me six months to safely get off all of them.

Now I live with pain, using only two pain relievers: prayer and blogging.

Though life is extremely hard, it even SEEMS unbearable at times, there is always hope. Without hope, I would not be writing today.

Hope for me comes when I reach out to help someone else, for that little space of time, I forget about me. One of the greatest difficulties for me is that when I'm inactive, that's when I'm most sensitive to pain. Before I had back problems I was a very active person. It was easy to overlook every struggle in life because I was always busy at something and often busy at helping someone else.

For me, blogging gets me out of myself. Writing several blogs regularly is helpful. In addition to this journal, there's a blog on faith and another on photography and I'm about to start one on family issues. I'm no expert on any of these subjects and whether they really do anyone else any good or not, I can't say. But they do release me from self for a period of time which is a very good natural pain killer.

Since I'm not able to work, I've started several websites. None of them are making any money at this point. But it's all a learning process and the idea is to keep busy so I don't feel like a worthless bum while my dear husband works his fingers to the bone (literally-he's a mechanic) to take care of us. It's also my hope, dream and prayer that at some point, the work I put into my online business will pay off and I'll be a financial contributor and able to support myself should anything happen to my husband.

I also have a prayer ministry that keeps me busy updating another website and praying for the needs of other people.

Speaking of prayer, I'd like to pray for you now. May you find something that draws you out of your pain and into something constructive that brings you joy and peace.

Heavenly Father, You amaze me with all the stories of men who failed, men attacked by the devil who fell so far from grace and yet You lifted them up. Because of our depravity You poured that part of You that created the world into the womb of Mary to come into this world to walk with us and teach us Your ways. You lived the kind of life You want us to live for peace, joy, fulfillment and all good things. You walked a lonely road, suffered unbearable pain, and were crucified for our transgressions. None of it makes any sense to me Lord, perhaps it never will. But I know Your love is deeper than the deepest oceans, wider than all space. I know You forgive us and You will never leave nor forsake Your precious creation. Thank You for Jesus, thank You for friends in recovery who share my struggles, reaching out to help and for help. Thank You for what You're about to do in their lives. Father, I don't know who believes in You. I don't know whether there are agnostics or even die-hard atheists reading this. But whether they believe in You or not is of no consequence because You believe in them. You who created us know every cell in every persons body and all the trauma they've experienced. O Lord, I cry out to You now on their behalf. Abba Father, as You forgave David for lust, adultery, murder and foolishness, You forgave Peter for denying You, I now ask You to forgive us for our unbelief, our trusting in our own ways and leaning on our own ignorant understanding rather than seeking Your wisdom. Forgive us for every shred of pride and hopelessness as we come before You now with our request. Pour out healing on each one who suffers now. Pour it into their cells, muscles, nerves, down through the spine, into their skin, from head to toe and in every inch of the body. Would Your healing grace permeate the soul and mind, penetrating the deepest reaches of consciousness. O Holy Spirit, would You move in them now, that they would hear Your voice and recognize You, would each one feel Your love and mercy, and know Your peace. Wrap Your comforting arms around them and soothe their aches and pains. Should this pain and struggle continue in their lives, I pray for Your wisdom, discernment and strength to deal with it. There are many who suffer and are not healed but You use them in marvelous ways just as they are. I think of the Apostle Paul and all that he accomplished despite a constant "thorn in his flesh." I think of Joni Erickson Tada who suffered terribly and has done incredible things to help others. I think of all the good things that are happening in medical technology for the future of others by our own suffering now, and know none of it is coincidental, but by design. Would all be done according to Your purposes for Your glory. In Jesus' precious name I pray, amen.

Cyberhugs,
anne
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Who's Judging Whom

James 4:11-12
11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you-who are you to judge your neighbor?

My journaling often comes as a result of someone else's difficulties which trigger memories in me about something related.

This morning I was reminded of what it is to feel the persecution of others and spend way too much time harboring anger, anxiety, hurt and a whole host of other negative feelings.

As a child, I was a little pudgy, always wrinkled with unbrushed hair and just plain natty. My mother was the only working mother in my neighborhood, a single Mom who did what she had to to take care of her family. As a result we were what they call today latch-key kids.

Mom fed my sister and me a hot egg breakfast every morning before she boarded the bus for her hour-long commute to downtown where she worked. After breakfast we were on our own. So I would yank a wrinkled dress out of the ironing box and put it on, dashing out of the house looking like a rag doll that had been under a pile of stuffed animals in the closet for a few years.

As a child, I didn't understand why I was shunned by the other kids. After school, I drowned my low self-esteem in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chunks of butter, and other rich foods. Mom was kind of a health freak so it was, to my way of thinking now, an act of God that we had no chips or cookies around our house because I know I would have eaten them all.

As an adult, I became an alcoholic. Alcohol allowed me not only to live comfortably in my own skin, it also puffed up my ego. I was the best at everything I did - always showed up to work early every day no matter what and worked my tail-end off missing breaks and lunch. In public I had to prove there was nobody better than me while at home I drowned my loneliness and sorrow with lots of beer.

Becoming a Christian turned all that around. Although I had gotten sober in AA 4 years before I came to faith in Christ, I was still pretty arrogant and even after taking all the steps had incredibly low self-esteem and a strong persecution complex.

There was a time in my life when I adamantly declared I didn't care what people thought of me. Then one day I realized I not only cared, I had become a chameleon, adjusting my personality and plans to fit in to my social sphere.

It has taken me many years of prayer, reading God's word, counseling, and trusting God for the transformation of my mind and heart. I experienced one kind of transformation the day I committed my life to my Savior. But the circumcision of the heart has been a slow and arduous process.

Through this growth I've come to realize two very important lessons: The first is that what others think of me is of little importance. I no longer lean on my pride for the strength to face my tormentors, but on the promise of Phil. 4:13 which reminds me my strength is in Jesus.

The second lesson is that most people are just as worried about what we think of them as we are about what they think about us. In fact, they probably spend a lot more time being concerned about themselves. If they come across judgmental or arrogant, chances are it's no more than a facade to cover what they really feel. Most snooty people are just as broken inside as the rest of us.

We have the light of Christ. We have fellowship with brothers and sisters in our church. We have the understanding of others in our program of recovery. We have the steps to help us grow even as we grow in faith. We have a sponsor to encourage us. Most of all, we have Jesus.

So the next time we're concerned about someone judging us, let's look at it from their perspective and see them as God does; a broken sinful human who's problems we can't even fathom. Then we can ask ourselves, who's judging whom?

Heavenly Father, You are so righteous and holy, yet merciful and loving. You know every crack in our form and gently work diligently in our hearts and minds to mold us according to Your plans. Help us to see through Your eyes today, to be a light to the world. Help us not to judge, not to be concerned about being judged and to trust in Your judgment alone. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Recovery Sponsorship

~Heb 6:10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

If your new in the program people may ask if you've found a sponsor yet. This is someone who has gone through the steps and maintains recovery from his or her addiction through continuing to work the program who will come alongside you as you walk the same path.

A sponsor is nothing more, nothing less, than a mentor. Take advantage of the opportunity to pick the brain of someone who's taken the high road to make it easier on yourself.

Look for someone who thinks like you do. If you're extremely independent and don't take direction well, a demanding person who expects you to call them every day might not be the right choice for you.

You'll want to consider someone who is like-minded about faith. Sharing your deep convictions about Jesus may not go over so well with a Jewish or atheist sponsor.

You may want to seek out a mentor who shares your difficulties. Those with anorexia and/or bulimia have unique issues that not all compulsive over eaters can understand. An alcoholic from a wealthy lifestyle may not relate well to the guy who's been homeless. The addict dealing with meth addiction is in a much different place than someone addicted to prescription pain killers.

For me, a mentor is an encourager, one who holds me accountable, a counselor and a prayer partner. She will be a good listener, will pray before offering advice, and will always tell me what she really thinks. She must be able to discern where I'm falling off track to gently guide me back in the right direction.

A good sponsor will help you grow in faith as you grow in recovery. I'm blessed to have a sponsor that suits my needs perfectly.

There came a day when someone saw something in my program they could relate to and asked me to sponsor them. It was a bit intimidating at first. But as I prayed, I realized, it's not about what I do or say that will make the difference in anyone's recovery. It's all about how I live and sharing what worked to help me overcome my addictions. What was given to me by my sponsor is shared with those I sponsor. And that's how it works. I follow direction and pass it on.

May you also be blessed with just the right someone to lead you up the steps of recovery. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

Father, guide each one to the person who can best help them grow along spiritual lines to recover from whatever holds them back from becoming the person You intended. May we fulfill the purposes You've set for each of us for Your glory. Until Jesus returns, in His name we pray, amen.

Taking Daily Inventory - Righting the Wrongs

~ Prov 14:9 Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.

The tenth step tells us to continue to take personal inventory and when we're wrong, promptly admit it. If it seems a bit daunting to have to review your actions and make amends every day, let me put your mind at rest.

As you've surely learned by now, any new habit takes about 21 days to establish. The longer we commit ourselves to our new habit, the easier it becomes. In time, this daily review will be as natural as brushing your teeth before bed.

Sometimes you'll find little things to correct like snapping at your spouse over something unimportant or forgetting to call someone you promised to call back. Those are easily rectified stumbles. It's important to remember the amends is not just saying "I'm sorry I hurt you." It's an apology with intent to change behavior. Has snapping at people when you don't get your way become your standard reaction? What might you do to respond in a more acceptable way?

Then there are the bigger messes we must clean up and sometimes they can't be done so quickly, but the outcome shoud be the same - how will I handle this differently in the future?

One day I picked up my prints in the photo department of Walgreens and noticed some comfy yoga pants in a sale bin. I grabbed a couple pair on my way out, noting that one pair was a much nicer quality and had a higher price tag on it. I assumed the sale price would show up at the register which often happens. However, the items rang up at different prices.

When I told the clerk the pants were both on the sale table, she called for the assistant manager who adamantly insisted I pay the full price for the better pants. By now I was getting angry and pushed my point on principle. I argued that where I came from and was trained in retail sales, the customer was always right. Now the assistant manager called for the manager. This young man immediately apologized and told the girls to deduct the higher value and charge the sale price. I went home smug and happy. But it didn't last long.

I couldn't sleep that night. I laid awake thinking I could have better demonstrated a life in Christ by humbly conceding to pay the full price - after all, it was only a difference of three dollars. I resolved to repay the difference and finally went to sleep. The next morning I wrote a check for the difference plus tax and mailed it along with a letter of apology for being such a nuisance and disrupting the employees routine. I wrote that, as a Christian, I realized I was not setting a good example to the world, I was ashamed of my behavior, and I hoped they would not judge other Christians by my foolish actions and attitude.

It felt like a 200 pound barbell was taken off my shoulders. A few days later I received a letter from the local Walgreens. I was sure it was some sort of "thanks for your honesty." It was much more than that, the manager returned my check with a note saying, "the customer is always right. We should have been more careful to keep our merchandise in it's proper place."

This situation was full of lessons for all involved. Think about each person and how they were affected by a simple amends - including me, perhaps most of all. Do you see how your actions might shine the light of Christ for a watching world?

Daily inventory is crucial for our continued recovery.

As you travel this road of recovery, may God remind you to stop often, review your actions, and get back on track wherever you've strayed. Would you know that unsurpassable peace as a result of keep your side of the street well cleaned. In Jesus' name, amen.

What Can I Do..

A man who turned my world upside down asked me once, "why do you give someone a gift?"

"Because it makes them happy," I said.

"Why do you give a gift?" he repeated with emphasis, indicating "think about it."

"Because it makes them happy," I replied, "...and that makes me happy."

He then turned around and walked away to leave me pondering my own words.

About a year later, less than a year before I came to recovery, another man told me I was self-centered. This shocked me terribly.

Wasn't I a giving person? Wasn't I always the one buying a round of drinks? giving gifts to people for no reason? Sending a note of encouragement to someone out of the blue? How could he think me self-centered?

He was right. A few months later I found myself in San Diego, sitting in a roomful of strangers announcing that I needed help. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.

Until that day, I was self-reliant, self-motivated, self-actuated, self-honoring, and self-indulged. I often found myself wandering through the self-help aisles of the local bookstore.

Through a long, slow process and many years of self-searching, I've discovered that when I'm the center of my universe, nothing works right.

When God is the center of my universe, everything works perfectly. He has given us just two commands, from Matthew 22:37-40, which cover all the laws of the universe:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.

Love you neighbor as yourself.

When I'm in sync with God, when I'm loving Him to the max, I do love myself and feel good about life and everything I face. Difficulties become nothing more than challenges that I know God will see me through. Good times radiate brilliantly and make me feel like I'm dancing on air.

To love my neighbor is to serve my neighbor.

And when I'm having a difficult time, the greatest way for me to draw close to God, is to serve others - to love my neighbor.

I don't write this blog for my sake. Shortly after I began a new program of recovery, the Holy Spirit stirred my heart to share my experience, strength and hope with whoever in the universe might benefit from it. This is a commitment I don't take lightly. I journal what's on my heart, knowing if there is someone out there who needs to be encouraged by these words, God will direct her here.

The side effect, I begin to see things more clearly, find new hope for my own recovery, and draw closer to God in the process.

So when I'm having a bad day, I ask God, "what can I do for my neighbor?"

Heavenly Father, You are indeed amazing and wonderful. How I love and adore You and the way You've woven the world together like one huge tapestry, every thread a marvel as it merges with those around it. Without You, we are nothing. With You, anything is possible. You are our strength, our hope, our joy and our very salvation. Thank You! Show us how we might better serve those around us today, in order that we be God-centered, not self-centered. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Who's Renting Space in Your Head

I've learned that no matter how good my intent, there are just some resentments that are a lot more difficult to let go of, even after I've made my amends.

It's unsettling, to say the least, when you've done all you can, hoping the wicked tenants of your mind whom you've evicted have moved on, and they suddenly reappear uninvited.

Have you heard of the twenty-one day prayer patch? Well then, settle in, I'm here to tell you about it.

It's said a thing will become a habit if one repeats an action for twenty-one days in a row. The same theory is applied to praying for a person who's renting space in your head and refuses to leave. If you pray for them, you'll find peace.

Here's the difficult part: you must pray for them as if you were praying for your own desires.

Pray for their well being, good health, prosperity, joy...anything you would wish for yourself. And pray it with heart, from the heart of Jesus. In the old days I was told, if you don't feel it, act as if - go through the motions and in time the feelings will follow. But I live in a new skin today, covered by the blood of Jesus. I don't have to fake anything anymore because I trust His promises.

Trust me on this, if you are a Christian who truly loves and lives for Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit will give you both the heart and the words to pray. I just started a twenty-one day siege against a resentment this morning and the Holy Spirit was faithful to give me the words I couldn't come up with.

One day at a time, I'll send this demon packing, through the power of prayer in Jesus my Savior!

Jesus my Savior, my friend, thank You that You have shown us the way of forgiveness, that You have covered all sin by Your precious blood, that You sent the Holy Spirit to guide us always as You sit at the right hand of God in heaven. We rely on Your wisdom, strength, love and mercy now to do the right thing and let go of unhealthy resentments that block our recovery. Help us day by day, moment by moment to turn these things over, to lay them at the foot of the cross and walk away refreshed in Your care. In Your precious name we pray, amen.

Who Am I?

Eighteen plus years ago when I got sober through the principles and practices of AA, I found myself wondering one day, just who am I?

For as long as I can remember, I was always stuffing something into my mouth for comfort and validation of my existence. As a child it was food. By the age of eleven I'd discovered drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. (And then of course years later after overcoming those addictions I turned to food again.) I hid behind those vices for so many years that my true personality was never free to develop. Stripped of my mantle, I found myself sudenly standing naked in the universe without a clue.

My quest for discovering me began when early in my walk of sobriety someone asked me if I'd like to go bowling. My immediate response was, "sure, why not."

But suddenly, for the first time in my life, at 34 years of age, I actually thought for myself. I asked myself, "would I like to go bowling? Hm. Do I like bowling? Let's see, I have to rent smelly ugly shoes that other people have worn, put my fingers into the holes of a 10 pound spherical rock, practically yanking them half out of their joints, somehow manage to not look like a fool as I jog to lane, aim this weight and throw it straight down the middle without ripping my arm from it's socket, all with the hopes of knocking over a bunch of pins that I swear are tacked to the floor at the other end.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't think I like bowling. But thanks for asking."

Soon I found myself wondering, what kind of clothes do I like? Do I like cosmetics? If bowling isn't it, what do I like to do for fun? Am I athletic or artistic? More intellectual or contextual? Introverted or extroverted? There were thousands of questions to be answered. It was like meeting and getting to know a new friend.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions almost 19 years later. But I have a much better sense of who anne is now. The person I loathed, has turned out to be just alright.

I like writing, photography, art, walking in the woods, autumn, snow, and all changes of season, flowers, babies, Scrabble, cats, rabbits, books, sunsets and sunrises, watching wild animals, waterfalls, a picnic by a stream, living in Colorado, historically correct ficitonal movies, movies that don't rely on explicit sex and foul language to sell, old black and white movies, people who love God and strive to grow closer to Him, Bible study, the smell of photo chemicals, manipulating photos in Photoshop, poetry, singing praise songs (even though I have no range,) going to church on Sunday, spending time with my close friends, learning new things and listening to contemporary Christian music...

Okay, enough. I could go on but I won't bore you. It was kind of fun realizing all the neat things I've discovered about myself :-)

Perhaps today you're in the same place I was so long ago. Take some time to look at that person you've been covering up for so long. Love yourself enough to take time to get to know you. Without self love, you'll have nothing to give. And giving is where all the joy is.

Who are you? What do you like? Go ahead, take some time to think about it. Perhaps even write a list. Write a story. Write a love letter to you.

O Lord, thank You for removing the shroud so that we can finally see ourselves as You do. Help each of us today to be attentive to the me You've created in Christ Jesus, to do the work You've already planned in advance for me to do. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

Let Go and Let God

It's hard sometimes to listen to those little program cliches - especially when you're in the middle of something you really don't want to let go of!

While I'm mid 9th step on a number of amends, there's one issue that keeps coming back up again and again, like having my nose rubbed in a pile of manure.

These are the moments when I almost see my loving Father in heaven gazing down on me with tender eyes, asking, "are you going to let me handle this with you or will you carry it around by yourself until the weight of it presses you flat on the ground? What's it going to be child?"

I'm like a prize fighter who doesn't know when to stay down - I just keep getting up and taking another punch. If I had enough sense to surrender, perhaps I could avoid a lot of pain and scars.

When I'm caught up in a resentment, I behave irrationally.

Letting go doesn't mean not taking action. It means changing my focus, changing my mindset, tuning into God's word rather than the negative garbage on the merry-go-round in my feeble mind. Sometimes it's necessary to just shut up and put up. Do the next thing. Take the next step. Even if I'm plodding along at a snails pace, going forward is better than standing still, ruminating in my anger.

~ Prov 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,the man who gains understanding.

Today, I choose to let go and let God help me deal with whatever I must face. I will seek the wisdom of God to guide my way.

Think On These Things

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Philippians 4:8 ~ Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

I can be awfully negative. On days when things aren't going well, I focus on the negative in everything I look at - TV ads, people, my house, drivers, street conditions, traffic lights, grocery store lines - you name it. Everything is against me, damaged, stupid or constructed poorly. I know 'cause I'm so perfect, right? WRONG.

One day a woman I know was complaining about her husband's mother - "My mother-in-law is controlling, whiny, mean, critical, a hypochondriac and she hates me," she said. And I sat staring at her thinking, "you just described yourself and how you feel about her."

Surely we've all heard the admonition about finger pointing - when I point one at you there are three pointing back at me. If I'm looking at the mote in someone else's eye, it might be a good idea to check out the tele-pole in my own and get rid of it first.

I can choose my attitude at any given moment no matter what kind of day I'm having. Stinkin' thinkin' can be turned into an opportunity to count my blessings. Don't balk, I didn't say it would be easy. I said it was doable.

When I take all those negative thoughts and turn them into a gratitude list, I suddenly realize how great and wonderful God is - that if I truly got what I deserved, I'd already be dead and smokin' in hell! So lets refocus right now and reflect on the things Paul suggests.

What is true? God loves us (John 3:16), God is good (Mic. 5:4), everything God does is for our good (Rom. 8:28), God promises to care for us (Psalm 23:1) God is everlasting (Rev. 1:8.)

What is noble? God is King of Kings (1 Tim. 6:15), Jesus went to the cross for us (Acts 2:23), the apostles traveled great distances and at great risk to bring the gospel to us for salvation (Acts 8:25.)

What is right? That I study and memorize Scripture (Heb. 8:10), to not lose heart and continue doing good (Heb. 12:3), God has a purpose for my life (Eph. 2:10), I can call someone in the program for support and guidance, I can journal about what troubles me, I can pray (1 Thes. 5:17.)

What is pure? Jesus. A rushing crisp clear mountain spring. Early morning in the country when the dew rests on fields of corn. A newborn baby before tainted by the world.

What is lovely? A meadow of purple lupine spread before a placid lake in the early morning mist. A sunset over the ocean. A full moon set amongst the stars on a clear night viewed from an unpopulated mountain.

What is admirable? A missionary reaching out to the poverty stricken in a war torn nation. Serving as a volunteer in the program or a hospital. Visiting a lonely soul in a nursing home. Writing a letter to a soldier at war.

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy - working the steps; getting a sponsor; taking sound advice from your sponsor; sharing your experience, strength and hope with others in the program; sponsoring someone; taking charge of your own recovery and being responsible.

Think about such things.

And then Paul says in verse nine, "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

O Lord, how marvelous Your ways, how perfect Your plans. You have taken care of ever detail to make life on earth work like a well oiled machine. Yet we have somehow managed to muck up just about everything we've touched with our sin. Forgive us Father. Forgive us for our selfishness, For our bad attitude and complaining, for forgetting that our reward is not here on earth but in heaven, for forgetting the price Jesus paid for our sakes. We are truly sorry and humbled Lord, that You have provided all we need and we've taken it for granted; failed to be grateful. Thank You Jesus for the cross. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Thank You for all that we are, have and do. Thank You for the trials that strengthen us for Your purposes. Guide us now by Your Holy Spirit, show us the way to go. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

CONVICITON

The word conviction can have a pretty scary connotation for many of us who have walked for any length of time in our addictions. If we're recovering from drugs or alcohol abuse, we may have serious offenses in our records to deal with in recovery. I know a compulsive over-eater who stole food and was dismissed from a job for doing so. Convictions are not necessarily in the courts and ending in jail sentences. Sometimes the sentence turns a person's whole life in a different direction. My friend lost a license to practice medicine.

The meditation from the online Christian recovery loop I read this morning was, “The beginning of my recovery was the concept of God being on my side – that I wasn’t left with only my own resources in this world.” Along with that was this question:

How does it make you feel to know that God is on your side? How does it affect the way you live your life?

Then I read this Scripture which I received from K-LOVE radio:

May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God. ~ Philippians 1:11

And of course, what jumped out at me was, "the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ..." That's where I got stuck in a groove like a scratched old record. It keeps playing over and over in my head. Why? Because I struggle daily with that old self, that sin nature, that whiny, bratty, irritable old nag who snaps at those she loves most because she hasn't got enough self-discipline to concentrate on what " willl bring much glory and praise to God."

If I weren't convicted by the Holy Spirit, I would just go on about my business like the rest of the world, being a whiny, bratty, irritable old nag snapping at everyone because I wouldn't give a hoot about discipline - like it or lump it. That's exactly how I used to be. I simply didn't care what anyone thought of me or how I reacted to things.

There was a transformation that took place the day I committed my heart to Jesus Christ. It was immediate and profound. My soul began to thirst for righteousness. When I fail to live up to God's standards, you can bet the Holy Spirit is there to lovingly remind me. God is on my side. The old me still tries to run the show, but praise God, He is patient, loving and merciful. When He convicts me, I am not sent to prison. By the blood of Jesus I am free. No, God speaks to my heart like a loving parent, He disciplines me with a verbal spanking, turns me in the right direction again, and sends me on my way. While the Holy Spirit convicts me of my shortcomings, He also convicts me of His love and forgiveness! God is on my side.

Radio evangelist Pastor David Jeremiah of Shadow Mountain Church once said, "if Satan reminds you of where you've been, remind him where he's going."

In other words, Satan is a liar and I don't need to listen to him.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. ~ 2 Cor 5:17-18.

While I still stumble and fall down, I am not the woman I used to be. Satan has no power to convict me and the One who convicts me has all power to move me toward righteousness.

Be convicted of this: Progress, not Perfection! It is after all, a lifelong journey. Be convicted. Be willing to see your shortcomings. But by all means, seek righteousness, for the glory of God.
God is on our side.

O most gracious and loving God of heaven and earth, we are humbled in Your presence. You have all the power to convict us and send us to everlasting prison. But in Your loving kindness, You chose instead to wear our skin, to bear our burdens, to walk in shame, be broken, bruised and lashed, and die the death we deserved, to wipe away our sins. All this to show us Your unfailing love and mercy. O Father, how can we thank You? All You've asked is, "follow me." Yes, Lord, yes! Here I am, send me! We praise You and thank You that You are God almighty. We confess our inability to be righteous on our own. We confess our temptations, our stumbles, our daily failures to be Your righteousness. Forgive us Lord, and cleanse us. Purified and freed by the blood of Christ, we humbly seek Your guidance and strength this day, moment by moment, so that we might bear fruit to glorify You. Would the way we live today, reflect the transformation of Jesus in our lives. With You on our side, who can come against us? (Romans 8:31) Would it effect the way we live for Your glory, because You are on our side.

Change

I don't know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with change.

On the one hand, I love new things, going to places I've never been, meeting new people, even starting over in a new home.

Then there's that other kind of change. Letting go of bad habits. A new job or ministry. A new leader in the ministry who does things differently than the last person in the position. The city puts in a new stoplight at my corner that causes me to have to wait to make that left turn now. When they take my favorite dish off the menu at a restaurant I frequent. When I'm having a bad attitude or a pity party.

Changes that make me unhappy are the result of two factors in my life: Fear and lack of control. Either I'm afraid of losing something or being inadequate to the task, or someone has taken away my control over things or circumstances.

I've been through some tremendously difficult changes in my life over the past 10 years and by the grace of God didn't drink, use drugs or commit murder. But those changes have required some major adjustments in my life, some of them I'm not too happy about. I'm afraid for my future because of inability to earn income and I'm angry that I can't control my body in the way I'd like - I'm unable to do things and go places I want. And I'm now facing another surgery that both terrifies me and infringes on my ability to control my life.

When I sit here screaming "why God? Why must I bear this thorn in my side?" I catch myself and have to follow it with "why am I so fortunate to still be able to do my own laundry, make my own bed, cook my own meals, clean my own bathrooms...when there are people out there on a respirator?"

When I sit here in my anger, I have to put things in perspective, and count it as an opportunity to pray for strength, endurance, and hope and praise God.

The serenity prayer is a beautiful way to deal with any situation:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
(other people, circumstances, things that are beyond my realm of influence)
The courage to change the things I can...
(my attitude, my perspective, my decisions)
And the wisdom to know the difference.

...which is often difficult to decipher!

People, places, circumstances - everything on this earth - changes. God never does - Mal 3:6 "I the LORD do not change..." God has all wisdom and is always in control. So no matter what's going on, I know I can handle it with God on my side.

For the good changes, praise God! For the uncomfortable changes, praise God. For everything, praise God. Because today I don't have to eat, drink, or smoke my troubles away. Just for today, I can let God handle everything. Praise God!

Heavenly Father, I long for that serenity that comes with acceptance - that peace that surpasses all understanding. I yearn for the courage to boldly change those things in me that don't please You and adversely affect others. I seek Your wisdom in all things, so that I can proceed according to Your plans. Thy will, not mine, be done. In Jesus name, amen.

Fear

I am afraid of not being loved, of losing my recovery, of the unknown. I'm insecure about my financial situation. I'm afraid of my physical condition - especially of deterioration.

I'm 52 years old and have the physical disabilities of an 80 year old.

Ps 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?

Ps 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,for those who fear him lack nothing.

I know that I have nothing to fear but God. Fear of God is a good thing. It isn't fear in the sense of terror, but in the sense of awe and amazement - He is all powerful and could squash me if that pleased Him. He is Holy and merciful and would never hurt me. But it is worth noting that many times in the Old Testament Scriptures, God wiped out individuals and even entire nations because they refused to repent and turn to Him.

So whom shall I fear? I fear God alone. No matter what I fear on earth, nothing should motivate me more than fear of my own disobedience. For the consequences are loss. God blesses the faithful. If I want to maintain recovery, be loved, feel financially secure, and find contentment in my physical condition, in obedience to God, He provides for all my needs - spiritual, emotional and physical.

Father in Heaven You are holy. You are the God of the universe who created us and sends every breath into our lungs. Lord, my desire is to release all earthly fears to You, to trust in You alone, to fear You with due honor and glory. Would You infuse in me, by the power of Your Holy Spirit, the strength of Jesus, the courage to face each day with joy, and the hope that is in You alone. You are my LORD, my light and salvation — whom shall I fear? You are the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid? In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired...

Now that I've finished the Steps, am I at the end of the road? Have I arrived?

Far from it. This is a lifetime journey. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a wonderful tool for discovering and recovering but let's face it, this is 2008, nearly 2009. We need to look at recovery in light of the world we live in which is a whole lot different than in the 1950's.

Imagine the kinds of commercials we see on TV today broadcasting between episodes of Andy Griffith and Father Knows Best in the early 1960's... Slinky women slithering across the sceen during prime time; ads for feminine products; Viagra; contraception; abortion clinics...These things would have been considered in very bad taste if not outright illegal.

We are tempted by things today our forefathers in recovery didn't have thrown in their faces every five minutes, sitting in their own homes. We live in a new world and must be prepared to face our tempters. We need to be fit for the fight. There are some conditions that we have to avoid in order to stand firm against our enemies...

...Enemies of recovery. When I'm hungry, angry, lonely or tired, I'm more vulnerable to reaching for a quick fix. These are the times when Satan comes hissing in my ear, "what's the use anyway? It'll make you feel better, go ahead. Eat that bag of chips. Drink that bottle of wine. Swallow those pills." He entices me to give in to that base urge, that chasm in the gut that screams at me to be filled.

Hungry - feed the spirit on Scripture.

8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, 9 for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. ~Ps 107:8-9

Angry - soothe the spirit with Scripture.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;do not fret — it leads only to evil. 9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. ~Ps 37:8-9

Lonely - comfort the spirit with Scripture. Call someone.

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ~2 Cor 1:3-4

Tired - rest the spirit with Scripture. And let yourself rest. Take a nap. Go to bed early.
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~Matt 11:28-29

Scripture is the universal answer to every problem. It is the balm that soothes the soul, refreshment for your mind, and sustenance for your heart - not the words but the One from whom the words emanate. He calls us by name, He wants to fill every need. Whenever the enemy stalks you with his lies, run to the One with all the answers. He will lift you up!

Father, hide me in Your wings, heal the wounds, feed my soul. Take away all that separates me from You and draw me near. In Your presence I find comfort. In You I find rest. In You I am satiated. In You, the storm is but a breeze. By the blood of Jesus, In His loving care, I am safe in You, amen.

8 - STEPS TEN THROUGH TWELVE

Steps 10, 11 & 12

Wow, we're at the top of the mountain and what a view! I may still be carrying some baggage - amends aren't made in a day. But we've reached the apex of this amazing journey and it feels good to look at where we've come from. With each amends we grow stronger, more confident, more resolute in our recovery.

Now, in Step 10 we look daily at our actions and attitudes and make immediate amends for any error along the way.

Before bed, we review our day, thanking God for all we did right and confessing anything that led us astray. We seek God daily, morning and evening, for praise, thanksgiving, confession and guidance. This is the 11th Step.

I love the ACTS method of prayer, because it follows the leading of Jesus as He taught the disciples in the Lords prayer.

• Adoration (praise God for who He is, not what He does...holy, creator, magnificant, majestic, mighty...)
• Confession (sincere and repentent)
• Thanksgiving (for everything including trials of all kinds)
• Supplication (seeking the desires of our hearts in accordance with God's will.)

All of these steps have certainly led us to a spiritual awakening - an awareness of both our difficulties and victories. We have a testimony to tell! Let's not take that lamp and put it under a bushel, but share it with others in need. The 12th Step should find us shouting God's glory from the top of the ladder!

The world is full of seeking people; those seeking God and those seeking recovery from the pains of living in a sinful world. Now you have an opportunity to take what you've learned and share it with others. You can do that by serving your local recovery group meetings, sponsoring people in your recovery program, online recovery service and many other ways. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you according to His plans and purposes for your life.

From here on out, we'll meet for a daily devotion based on Biblical concepts as they relate to recovery. I look forward to sharing my heart with you as often as possible. If I miss a few days, please keep checking back - I may be away on ministry or just taking a break. My call is to write and pray so I'll always be back :-)

See you on the road to recovery!

In the love of Jesus,
anne, addicted to The Savior

7 - STEPS EIGHT AND NINE

We were willing have God remove our defects of character and prayed that He would, according to page 76, Into Action...

We now find ourselves at Step 8. We make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. This list is created from our moral inventory, the list we created at Step 4. The new list will differ in that we're only looking at what we've done that has caused another person problems or harm and how we might make amends to them.

At last we reach Step 9, what I believe to be the key to our freedom. If there is anything we are unwilling to clean up, we will never overcome our addictions. That is why we made a searching and fearless moral inventory. Take a deep breath. This may seem insurmountable in some cases but do not face this mountain as though you walk alone. Your "Shirpa" walks with you. Trust that the Holy Spirit can and will guide you through every moment of this process until the last amends is made.

In some cases the amends might be directed by the person we owe an apology to. What would they like us to do to make up for our affront?

There may be some instances of having to pay back a person or business for something stolen or abused, in which case it is wise to tack on a fair amount for interest in our restitution.

Perhaps there are some we can only make amends to over the long term by a change in attitude or behavior. This is likely the case for healing broken relationships with family members and sometimes these amends take years.

Some people we owe amends to may not be found or are no longer living. These can be handled with a heartfelt letter and prayers.

Finally, there are some who are far away whom we can only deal with by phone or letter.

God's word doesn't say alot about amends but what it does say is poignant. The Gibeonites were sworn to protection by Israel and King Saul attacked them. David saw fit to clean up the mess on behalf of his people and those they'd made a promise to.

2 Sam 21:33 David asked the Gibeonites, "What shall I do for you? How shall I make amends?

Proverbs 14:8-9
The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.
9 Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.

In all cases, amends should be handled with prayer. Personally, I believe wise counsel should be sought for each instance from a sponsor or spiritual leader such as your pastor. Share your ideas on how you think you should best make amends. Listen and accept feedback and advice about how best to proceed. Especially in the case of writing letters. Have someone proof read and edit before sending to be sure you're reader receives a genuine heartfelt apology and not empty words. You'll also want to be careful to write when you're in the right frame of mind and heart.

I was just ready to write a letter to my sister when something happened that put a bad taste in my mouth which would interfere with the sincere desire I had to patch things up with her. It became necessary to put that one on the back burner until I could write with a loving heart.

Pray and allow the Holy Spirit to speak through you so that God will be glorified.

Father, we want to be like Jesus - always honest but sharing the truth in love. Help us now with all those we have offended, to make our amends in ways that will benefit the recipient and glorify You. Would You guide and direct our voices and actions to reflect the light of Christ. In Jesus' precious name we pray, amen.

6 - STEPS FIVE THROUGH SEVEN

Finding Hope to Move On

It is my fervant hope and prayer that you're continuing to work on the steps. This is a difficult and pivotal moment in recovery that requires brutal honesty -with yourself and another.

At out last meeting, we talked about writing that searching and fearless moral inventory. Maybe looking at your past in such a way was a real downer for you. It didn't exactly make me feel like celebrating. There were lots of people I was sore at, but even worse, I'd given plenty of folks good reason to resent me. Facing the next step and sharing all this garbage with another human being was indeed a daunting concern.

In completing Step 5, you will find, if done correctly, a deep desire to set things right, to repent. This will take more courage than any of us has on our own. We need hope that it won't all be for naught. We need hope just to get up an face tomorrow, amen?

In Steps 6 and 7, we're entirely ready to have our shortcomings removed and humbly ask God to do so. For we know by our own power we haven't a chance. I would like to add at this point, that we must also trust and believe that God will divinely intervene in order that we might overcome these defects of character.

Our hope is in the One who created and saved us. Today, I want to share with you the hope that keeps me going no matter what.

Whatever you're going through today, you can stay clean, sober, abstinent - free of whatever addiction has a hold on you - through the hope we have in Jesus. He is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6.) Looking at His willingness to do whatever necessary for our salvation, we find hope to continue on this path for God's glory.

Visit my daily faith blog for further encouragement. FaithWalkDaily October 2, 2008 ~ Psalm 9:18 But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

We can do this, one day at a time, by the grace of God, for He is the God of hope and mercy!

Hope to Cope

My hope's in You, who died for me
Though tied to sin, I now walk free.
It seems at times I cannot cope,
But You, Lord Jesus, give me hope.

Today I turn my heart toward You,
To change my focus; make me new!
I can cope, through You whose strength,
Is all I need to go the length.

5 - STEP FOUR

We find ourselves now at Step 4, taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

James 1:19-22
19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. NIV

In the AA recovery book many refer to as the big book, the authors tell us resentment is the "number one" offender. Interesting that James tells us, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Whether many know it or not, the AA book is based on Biblical principles and we are told throughout Scripture that anger will get us into trouble.

James goes on to say, get rid of all moral filth and evil. Let's look at the context of James' theology. He writes to all the tribes scattered among the nations - that would be everyone. He's writing about keeping oneself in God's word, following it closely and living obediently. What happens when we stray from the course? We find ourselves wandering in dark allies, chasing after our lusts and falling into the ways of the world. Go back and read How it Works again. you cannot read this chapter too much or too often.

What then is the result? We start blaming others for all our troubles. It's a wicked and deadly game we play and we must put an end to it if we are to get well.

So we must set pen to paper and look deep within our hearts, asking God to reveal in us everything that hinders our walk with Jesus. We begin with resentments - reliving feelings of hurt and anger for life's injustices.

Who am I angry at? Why? How does it affect me?

What was my part? This is the hardest part of this exercise. If somebody abused me, how can that be my fault? How can I have a part in that? Dig deep. Pray. God will reveal it to you. This is a searching and fearless moral inventory.

We look at our fears. I hide behind my addiction because of fear. What am I afraid of? Who am I afraid of? How does it affect me? We pray and ask God to remove our fears, relying on His strength to help us overcome whatever impedes our recovery.

Finally, the issue of sex must be dealt with. This for Christians may be the most difficult area to face. But face it we must or we shall die in our addictions. Get rid of all moral filth and evil, says James. Let's look at some ways we might be off track in our Christian walk:

Flirting
Lust
Adultery
Promiscuity
Dressing inappropriately
Language
Innuendo
Television and movie choices
Books
Self indulgence
Dancing inappropriately
Going to bars or other places of temptation
Voyeurism
Dirty jokes
Jealousy
Withholding from my spouse
Using for power or control of another person
Over use of make up
Fantasy
How do I present myself in public? On the Internet? With my words?

I'm sure you can think of others. Dig deep. Be honest. How have you behaved inappropriately and how has it affected your life? Other People?

Father, You are holy and powerful, yet merciful and loving. We confess we've strayed far from you in our anger, fear and lust. Lord, we submit our hearts before You and beseech You to reveal every dark corner that needs cleaning. Purify us by the blood of Jesus that washes away our sins. Restore us to sanity that we might once again turn to You alone for our satisfaction, to relieve all anger, fear and unholy desire. Help us to etch Your word on our hearts to call on in our times of need. Holy Spirit, may we listen to Your prompting to be free of self, willing to serve others according to Your purposes. In Jesus' name, amen.

4 - STEP THREE

Good Morning and praise God for a beautiful autumn day in Colorado and wherever you are!

Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
~ Psalm 5:3, NLT

There's a lovely way to start the day. Listen to my voice Lord...

We're at Step 3, from How it Works in the book of recovery, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the the care of God as we understood Him."

Have you made that decision? Are you ready to make that decision? It's just a decision.

Suppose I don't have any food in the cupboards and I'm hungry. I decide I need to go to the grocery store to get something to make for dinner. Does that decision put food on the table? Well of course not. I have to follow that decision with actions: put my shoes on, get my car keys, get in my car, start the car, drive to the store, do my shopping, bring the stuff home, cook the meal and eat it.

In the same way, making a decision to turn my life and will over to God must be followed by action. Prayer will help to move us into action. Bill Wilson provided a simple prayer in How it Works, written in rather archaic language, but you can say it any way that comes from your heart.

Father, I've made a fine mess of things down here. I've been selfish and self-centered, always wanting my own way - even demanding my own way. I've lived my life in self-will run riot and it hasn't done me a bit of good. Lord I know You love me, Your word tells me in Ephesians 2:10 You created me with a plan in mind, You have a purpose for my life. Now I ask you to forgive me for wandering down a road to destruction in disobedience. Bring me back into Your loving care. Holy Spirit, guide me according to my Father's plans, keep my eyes focused on the One who saved me, and grant me wisdom, strength and boldness to live for the gospel. Listen to my voice Lord, as I bring my request to You and wait expectantly! In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Great news - when I can't, He can! We can wait expectantly now, rejoicing that He will provide exactly what we need to stay on this road to recoery and become all that He intends for us to be for His purposes. Keep coming back, keep trusting Jesus!

3 - STEP TWO

In Step 2 from How it Works, we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

So in Step 1 we accepted that we have a problem and that we were powerless to overcome it on our own. Since we're Christians, we have no problem trusting our Sovereign God to help us with this problem. But perhaps we had prayed for years to lose weight, stop drinking, give up the online role playing game - whatever our problem is that threatened to ruin us - and still nothing changed. So now we're going to look at this with a fresh mind and willingness.

You may recall reading about David's life, he struggled with some heavy stuff. Come on, let's face it, the guy had issues. He's married to God only knows how many women. He sees this gorgeous dame bathing on the rooftop across the way and decides he's king, he wants her, and he's going to have his way. He sends for her, seduces and falls in love with her and has her husband sent to the front lines in battle to his death. Of course poor old Uriah the Hittite didn't have a chance.

If you want the whole sordid story, it's the great romance/murder novel of the ages and you can read it here.

David was a selfish, self-centered, prideful sinner. Yet God loved him and blessed him over and over. He also allowed him to suffer the consequences of his sins.

If God could restore David after all he'd done, do you think he can handle our little problem?

When we realize God is on our side and wants to restore us for His purposes, we're ready to move on.

Dear Lord, I do realize I can't fix my problem alone. I need You. I know where I can't, You can! I believe Jesus died on the cross for me to give me new life in You and I know by the power of the Holy Spirit You can restore me from the insanity of my addiction. I am Yours Father, do as You will with me. In Jesus' name, amen.

2 - TAKING THE FIRST STEP

There's plenty of dirt on us, we know that. The stains have been screaming at us. So we've come to a point when we can say, "yep, there's a problem. I'm it."

In The Doctor's Opinion, (Alcoholics Anonymous) we learn that our problem is an abnormality of the mind. An aberration if you will. An aberrant lens can never be fixed or made to acheive accurate focus. It will always produce flawed images. To the master photographer, it's useless.

So are we hopeless in with our abnormal minds? Ah, by the grace of God we have a filter that corrects the problem in the human mind - that filter is the blood of Christ. What the photographer wouldn't pay for a perfecting filter such as God provides the human heart!

Heb 9:14-15
14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! 15 For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance-now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. NIV

If you don't understand this concept, please go back to the Introduction. This is a Christian recovery devotion. The introduction will help you understand the saving grace of Jesus.

We must first come to that place of absolute awareness. There's no getting around it. Step one in How it Works (Alcoholics Anonymous) says, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." You can put anything in place of the word alcohol - drugs, pornography, food - whatever is your compulsion or obsession.

If you're just getting started, this is where we start. We can go no further until we're willing to admit we have an aberrant mind and are powerless of our own accord to do anything about it. That's Step One. Our lives are out of control. Our relationships are damaged, perhaps we've lost jobs due to our problem, our children are affected, our ability to fully serve God is hindered and we feel utterly without hope. We must first admit these things.

When I came to AA 18 + years ago, I had hit a very hard bottom. I'd lost just about everything except my 3 jobs. They were the only thing that kept me believing I was a person of worth despite everything else I'd screwed up due to my drinking. I had no problem admitting I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. In that process I began to see other things in my life I was using to fill the emptiness in me - the God sized void in my heart. I walked through the 12 steps with good guidance from a sponsor, surrounded myself by others in recovery, and knew all the "recovery speak" by heart. I had memorized much of the AA book and have maintained sobriety, by the grace of God, for going on 19 years.

Today, I'm struggling with powerlessness over food. The biggest problem I have is that I haven't hit a hard bottom. It's too easy to compare myself to others and say to myself, "I'm not there yet." I haven't had the medical problems others have due to food abuse, didn't hide food for myself, didn't obsess about food. In fact, I don't even like food, so how can I call myself a compulsive over-eater? Yet, I'm 30 pounds overweight and miserable. I'm unable to do the things I'd like to as a result of low energy, joint issues and high blood pressure. I definitely have a problem because I've been unable to lose the weight no matter what I do. I can wait until it gets worse: until I'm so fat I can hardly walk, until I land in the hospital with a heart attack, until I loathe myself and eat to satisfy my heartache. But I don't want to wait. I don't want to be there. I'm having a hard enough time where I am. Somehow I need to make that bottom come up. Food abuser. I can admit that. I abuse food. I may not be a compulsive over-eater, but I don't use food the way God intended. I'm lazy, unorganized and looking for an easier softer way.

What stands in your way of recovering from whatever it is that controls your life? Do you need to move your bottom up? Is there another way to look at your problem that makes more sense to you and helps you see how damaging it is to your life and faith? Are we being all we can be for God?

Lord, I admit I'm powerless over over this problem, that I'm unwise in my choices and how they affect my family. My foolishness has caused pain and problems in my home and it's out of control. Make this plain to me as I move forward in the steps of recovery, in order that I might see clearly the deinial and sin that impedes my recovery. Thank You Jesus, for the blood You shed to correct the lens through which the Father sees me. May my actions and attitudes reflect Your light in my life. In Your precious name I pray, amen.

1 - GETTING STARTED

Perhaps you've seen this commercial: Two guys in an interview. One guy has a stain on his shirt. The other guy is looking at the stain. Stain guy is explaining stuff to other guy and all other guy hears is a bunch of garbled nonsense because the stain is so distracting.

I'm other guy. The stains of the world are driving me nuts and all I can hear is "blugaduba, gabula, ah! Blogaba dagaha, bluttle dud." It's all noise.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
~ John 10:27, NLT

It's pretty hard to listen to what the Lord says to me when the stains of the world are blotting out His voice. That noise convinces me it has something to offer me and I go off on tangents that threaten my recovery.

What threatens your recovery today? What are the stains you're focused on that keep you from hearing the voice of your Savior? Are you ready to submit to admit you need help? Ready to submit to the One who CAN help?

Heavenly Father, I submit to you today, all the stains of this world that distract me. Block out the noise of the world and unplug the ears of my heart to hear Your majestic voice. Holy Spirit, speak to me, guide me with Your plans for me today that I might follow my good Shepherd and further Your kingdom according to Your purposes for my life. Help me in my recovery, one day at a time. In Jesus' name, amen.

Introduction to Christian Recovery

Rom 5:1-25:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. NIV

In this first recovery devotion, I sat pondering where to begin. The Holy Spirit prompted, begin at the beginning...

Where is the beginning? Creation? We'll save that for another day. For us as Christians, life begins with faith in Jesus, the path to eternal salvation. We were lost in our sin, we came to believe that Jesus died for us and accepted His death on the cross as atonement for our sins. Romans 11:6 tells us by faith we are saved, not by works.

I know for a fact that some of you don't really understand what that means, even though you would say you're a Christian - you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't believe you're a Christian :-) But maybe you feel there's something missing, as I once did.

For many years I attended a certain church, had been sprinkled, confirmed, and received all the sacraments regularly, and I called myself a Christian. I attended worship daily and would kneel in this ornate cathedral, staring up at the crucifix praying, "Jesus, how can I know you?"

Despite all my piousness, I was living a life of terrible sin. No amount of confession could save me. I was lost. I was lost because although I looked at images of Jesus daily, I had no relationship with Him. He was just a statue, an icon, a painting, a sculpture on a cross. I didn't understand salvation, that it means far more than simply believing Jesus was a real person. There was a longing in my heart for Jesus that burned in my soul.

Look at it this way. Suppose I'm in the hospital with a deathly illness. The doctor comes in with a bag of antibiotics that he wants to connect to my IV. He says, "this medicine will cure you, will you accept it?" And you say, "I believe you." So again the doc says, "Will you receive this medicine?" and you say again, "I believe you." Do you see where I'm going with this? It's not enough to believe the chemicals can save your life, you must receive them.

The Jews struggled daily to live up to the law, which had become far more than the 10 commandments God gave to Moses. The list of rules was endless - no man could live up to them. But they tried and those who were righteous in their own eyes were full of pride - the greatest sin of all. If Jesus didn't die to deliver us from the law, then His crucifixion was for naught.

But God is faithful and just, He hears the prayer of our hearts and comes to our rescue. God knows the beginning and the end and He has known before you were born exactly where you would be at this moment. He knew who would choose Him and who would turn away. He knew I desired to know Him more than anything. So many years ago, the Holy Spirit prompted me to be in the right place at the right time to hear the right message - the message of salvation. That day I finally understood, and came face to face with Jesus, recognizing my deficiency, asking His forgiveness, seeking His lordship to rule me, a Shepherd to guide me forever.

Since that day I began an unforgettable journey with Jesus. The transformation was instantaneous and amazing. The Holy Spirit gives me the fuel to keep going when I'm sure I can't go on. He gives me hope, strength, joy and compassion. He prompts me to reach out to others, to write, to bring hope and encouragement to a hurting world.

Today I live for the Lord, not myself. I have purpose. When the world shadows me in darkness He lights my way. When I feel hopeless He comforts me. When I'm afraid He is my shield. When I doubt He reassures me. When I'm weak He is my strength. When I fall down He picks me up.
If you're in that place of searching, if you've always longed for a real relationship with Jesus but just didn't get it, today is the day. He stands at the door knocking. Open the door and invite Him in. He will change your life.

It's this simple, really. You can pray a prayer along these lines - but make it your own. Speak from your heart to the One who loves you. It's not about the words you pray but the heart that prays them. It's about acknowledging our unworthiness and God's awesome mercy and ability to heal and lead us. It's about emptying ourselves of self and allowing the Holy Spirit to fill us for God's purposes. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you now, with your own words from your innermost being.

Jesus, I know I'm a sinner and that nothing I can do, no works of my own can change that. Only You have the power to change my heart and make me whole. I know You died to cover my sins, that You are the atonement for my sins. Come into my life Rabbi! Teach me Jesus. Be my Savior, my guiding light. Give me that heart of daily, moment by moment repentance that convicts me the instant my heart strays. Walk with me through life and show me the way. I trust in You and give my heart to You, that You would take up residence in me. Holy Spirit move in me to fulfill Your purposes in my life. In the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, amen.

That's it. You're made new. Today begins the most amazing journey of your life for the rest of your life. Welcome to the kingdom of heaven! Real recovery begins today.

Eph 2:8-108 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. NKJV

Our faith rests in Jesus who has all power and authority. Through Him, we have endless power over food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs -whatever has a hold on you. Through Him we have victory. We can confess our temptation the minute it enters our thoughts and dispel those attacks of the enemy with the tools we've been given. Today, I turn my sinful compulsions over to Jesus who gives me the power to make wise choices and the weapons to fight the devil's lure.

Lord Jesus, thank You for paying the ultimate price for my sake. Thank You for infusing me with Your amazing power to overcome that which threatens our abstinence. We claim victory over our compulsion through Your power within us. In the name of Jesus we pray, amen.

Keep coming back. Today's devotion was a much longer than you can expect in the future. We covered a lot in one session here today. My commitment is to provide fresh daily recovery devotions, based on Scripture, to help you along your journey to recover from whatever it is that keeps you from being the man or woman God intended you to be. My service ensures my recovery too!