Who's Judging Whom

James 4:11-12
11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you-who are you to judge your neighbor?

My journaling often comes as a result of someone else's difficulties which trigger memories in me about something related.

This morning I was reminded of what it is to feel the persecution of others and spend way too much time harboring anger, anxiety, hurt and a whole host of other negative feelings.

As a child, I was a little pudgy, always wrinkled with unbrushed hair and just plain natty. My mother was the only working mother in my neighborhood, a single Mom who did what she had to to take care of her family. As a result we were what they call today latch-key kids.

Mom fed my sister and me a hot egg breakfast every morning before she boarded the bus for her hour-long commute to downtown where she worked. After breakfast we were on our own. So I would yank a wrinkled dress out of the ironing box and put it on, dashing out of the house looking like a rag doll that had been under a pile of stuffed animals in the closet for a few years.

As a child, I didn't understand why I was shunned by the other kids. After school, I drowned my low self-esteem in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chunks of butter, and other rich foods. Mom was kind of a health freak so it was, to my way of thinking now, an act of God that we had no chips or cookies around our house because I know I would have eaten them all.

As an adult, I became an alcoholic. Alcohol allowed me not only to live comfortably in my own skin, it also puffed up my ego. I was the best at everything I did - always showed up to work early every day no matter what and worked my tail-end off missing breaks and lunch. In public I had to prove there was nobody better than me while at home I drowned my loneliness and sorrow with lots of beer.

Becoming a Christian turned all that around. Although I had gotten sober in AA 4 years before I came to faith in Christ, I was still pretty arrogant and even after taking all the steps had incredibly low self-esteem and a strong persecution complex.

There was a time in my life when I adamantly declared I didn't care what people thought of me. Then one day I realized I not only cared, I had become a chameleon, adjusting my personality and plans to fit in to my social sphere.

It has taken me many years of prayer, reading God's word, counseling, and trusting God for the transformation of my mind and heart. I experienced one kind of transformation the day I committed my life to my Savior. But the circumcision of the heart has been a slow and arduous process.

Through this growth I've come to realize two very important lessons: The first is that what others think of me is of little importance. I no longer lean on my pride for the strength to face my tormentors, but on the promise of Phil. 4:13 which reminds me my strength is in Jesus.

The second lesson is that most people are just as worried about what we think of them as we are about what they think about us. In fact, they probably spend a lot more time being concerned about themselves. If they come across judgmental or arrogant, chances are it's no more than a facade to cover what they really feel. Most snooty people are just as broken inside as the rest of us.

We have the light of Christ. We have fellowship with brothers and sisters in our church. We have the understanding of others in our program of recovery. We have the steps to help us grow even as we grow in faith. We have a sponsor to encourage us. Most of all, we have Jesus.

So the next time we're concerned about someone judging us, let's look at it from their perspective and see them as God does; a broken sinful human who's problems we can't even fathom. Then we can ask ourselves, who's judging whom?

Heavenly Father, You are so righteous and holy, yet merciful and loving. You know every crack in our form and gently work diligently in our hearts and minds to mold us according to Your plans. Help us to see through Your eyes today, to be a light to the world. Help us not to judge, not to be concerned about being judged and to trust in Your judgment alone. In Jesus name we pray, amen.