Change

I don't know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with change.

On the one hand, I love new things, going to places I've never been, meeting new people, even starting over in a new home.

Then there's that other kind of change. Letting go of bad habits. A new job or ministry. A new leader in the ministry who does things differently than the last person in the position. The city puts in a new stoplight at my corner that causes me to have to wait to make that left turn now. When they take my favorite dish off the menu at a restaurant I frequent. When I'm having a bad attitude or a pity party.

Changes that make me unhappy are the result of two factors in my life: Fear and lack of control. Either I'm afraid of losing something or being inadequate to the task, or someone has taken away my control over things or circumstances.

I've been through some tremendously difficult changes in my life over the past 10 years and by the grace of God didn't drink, use drugs or commit murder. But those changes have required some major adjustments in my life, some of them I'm not too happy about. I'm afraid for my future because of inability to earn income and I'm angry that I can't control my body in the way I'd like - I'm unable to do things and go places I want. And I'm now facing another surgery that both terrifies me and infringes on my ability to control my life.

When I sit here screaming "why God? Why must I bear this thorn in my side?" I catch myself and have to follow it with "why am I so fortunate to still be able to do my own laundry, make my own bed, cook my own meals, clean my own bathrooms...when there are people out there on a respirator?"

When I sit here in my anger, I have to put things in perspective, and count it as an opportunity to pray for strength, endurance, and hope and praise God.

The serenity prayer is a beautiful way to deal with any situation:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
(other people, circumstances, things that are beyond my realm of influence)
The courage to change the things I can...
(my attitude, my perspective, my decisions)
And the wisdom to know the difference.

...which is often difficult to decipher!

People, places, circumstances - everything on this earth - changes. God never does - Mal 3:6 "I the LORD do not change..." God has all wisdom and is always in control. So no matter what's going on, I know I can handle it with God on my side.

For the good changes, praise God! For the uncomfortable changes, praise God. For everything, praise God. Because today I don't have to eat, drink, or smoke my troubles away. Just for today, I can let God handle everything. Praise God!

Heavenly Father, I long for that serenity that comes with acceptance - that peace that surpasses all understanding. I yearn for the courage to boldly change those things in me that don't please You and adversely affect others. I seek Your wisdom in all things, so that I can proceed according to Your plans. Thy will, not mine, be done. In Jesus name, amen.