What Can I Do..

A man who turned my world upside down asked me once, "why do you give someone a gift?"

"Because it makes them happy," I said.

"Why do you give a gift?" he repeated with emphasis, indicating "think about it."

"Because it makes them happy," I replied, "...and that makes me happy."

He then turned around and walked away to leave me pondering my own words.

About a year later, less than a year before I came to recovery, another man told me I was self-centered. This shocked me terribly.

Wasn't I a giving person? Wasn't I always the one buying a round of drinks? giving gifts to people for no reason? Sending a note of encouragement to someone out of the blue? How could he think me self-centered?

He was right. A few months later I found myself in San Diego, sitting in a roomful of strangers announcing that I needed help. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.

Until that day, I was self-reliant, self-motivated, self-actuated, self-honoring, and self-indulged. I often found myself wandering through the self-help aisles of the local bookstore.

Through a long, slow process and many years of self-searching, I've discovered that when I'm the center of my universe, nothing works right.

When God is the center of my universe, everything works perfectly. He has given us just two commands, from Matthew 22:37-40, which cover all the laws of the universe:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.

Love you neighbor as yourself.

When I'm in sync with God, when I'm loving Him to the max, I do love myself and feel good about life and everything I face. Difficulties become nothing more than challenges that I know God will see me through. Good times radiate brilliantly and make me feel like I'm dancing on air.

To love my neighbor is to serve my neighbor.

And when I'm having a difficult time, the greatest way for me to draw close to God, is to serve others - to love my neighbor.

I don't write this blog for my sake. Shortly after I began a new program of recovery, the Holy Spirit stirred my heart to share my experience, strength and hope with whoever in the universe might benefit from it. This is a commitment I don't take lightly. I journal what's on my heart, knowing if there is someone out there who needs to be encouraged by these words, God will direct her here.

The side effect, I begin to see things more clearly, find new hope for my own recovery, and draw closer to God in the process.

So when I'm having a bad day, I ask God, "what can I do for my neighbor?"

Heavenly Father, You are indeed amazing and wonderful. How I love and adore You and the way You've woven the world together like one huge tapestry, every thread a marvel as it merges with those around it. Without You, we are nothing. With You, anything is possible. You are our strength, our hope, our joy and our very salvation. Thank You! Show us how we might better serve those around us today, in order that we be God-centered, not self-centered. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.