2 - TAKING THE FIRST STEP

There's plenty of dirt on us, we know that. The stains have been screaming at us. So we've come to a point when we can say, "yep, there's a problem. I'm it."

In The Doctor's Opinion, (Alcoholics Anonymous) we learn that our problem is an abnormality of the mind. An aberration if you will. An aberrant lens can never be fixed or made to acheive accurate focus. It will always produce flawed images. To the master photographer, it's useless.

So are we hopeless in with our abnormal minds? Ah, by the grace of God we have a filter that corrects the problem in the human mind - that filter is the blood of Christ. What the photographer wouldn't pay for a perfecting filter such as God provides the human heart!

Heb 9:14-15
14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! 15 For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance-now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. NIV

If you don't understand this concept, please go back to the Introduction. This is a Christian recovery devotion. The introduction will help you understand the saving grace of Jesus.

We must first come to that place of absolute awareness. There's no getting around it. Step one in How it Works (Alcoholics Anonymous) says, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." You can put anything in place of the word alcohol - drugs, pornography, food - whatever is your compulsion or obsession.

If you're just getting started, this is where we start. We can go no further until we're willing to admit we have an aberrant mind and are powerless of our own accord to do anything about it. That's Step One. Our lives are out of control. Our relationships are damaged, perhaps we've lost jobs due to our problem, our children are affected, our ability to fully serve God is hindered and we feel utterly without hope. We must first admit these things.

When I came to AA 18 + years ago, I had hit a very hard bottom. I'd lost just about everything except my 3 jobs. They were the only thing that kept me believing I was a person of worth despite everything else I'd screwed up due to my drinking. I had no problem admitting I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. In that process I began to see other things in my life I was using to fill the emptiness in me - the God sized void in my heart. I walked through the 12 steps with good guidance from a sponsor, surrounded myself by others in recovery, and knew all the "recovery speak" by heart. I had memorized much of the AA book and have maintained sobriety, by the grace of God, for going on 19 years.

Today, I'm struggling with powerlessness over food. The biggest problem I have is that I haven't hit a hard bottom. It's too easy to compare myself to others and say to myself, "I'm not there yet." I haven't had the medical problems others have due to food abuse, didn't hide food for myself, didn't obsess about food. In fact, I don't even like food, so how can I call myself a compulsive over-eater? Yet, I'm 30 pounds overweight and miserable. I'm unable to do the things I'd like to as a result of low energy, joint issues and high blood pressure. I definitely have a problem because I've been unable to lose the weight no matter what I do. I can wait until it gets worse: until I'm so fat I can hardly walk, until I land in the hospital with a heart attack, until I loathe myself and eat to satisfy my heartache. But I don't want to wait. I don't want to be there. I'm having a hard enough time where I am. Somehow I need to make that bottom come up. Food abuser. I can admit that. I abuse food. I may not be a compulsive over-eater, but I don't use food the way God intended. I'm lazy, unorganized and looking for an easier softer way.

What stands in your way of recovering from whatever it is that controls your life? Do you need to move your bottom up? Is there another way to look at your problem that makes more sense to you and helps you see how damaging it is to your life and faith? Are we being all we can be for God?

Lord, I admit I'm powerless over over this problem, that I'm unwise in my choices and how they affect my family. My foolishness has caused pain and problems in my home and it's out of control. Make this plain to me as I move forward in the steps of recovery, in order that I might see clearly the deinial and sin that impedes my recovery. Thank You Jesus, for the blood You shed to correct the lens through which the Father sees me. May my actions and attitudes reflect Your light in my life. In Your precious name I pray, amen.